In The Crossfire

I didn’t expect to be the person getting both sides of the breakup story- but here I am. One call Saturday morning. One call Saturday night. Same breakup. Very different stories.  

And because I’m apparently the designated emotional landfill for my friend group, I listened to both. 

It started four weeks ago when my friend Justin- charming, handsome, a bit witty but fun and aggressively romantic Justin, told me that he was seeing someone. Her name was Daisy. She was a friend of a friend who I vaguely knew at school, and I thought they made a sweet couple. Justin once told me, “She isn’t the type of girl you let go”. He was already making plans like mini hallmark plots to make her fall hard. 

Turns out, she did. Just not in the way he wanted.  

Justin’s Story (Saturday morning, 9:30a.m.)  

“She said she didn’t want a guy who played games, so I didn’t. I did exactly what she wanted, she needed. I went all in. Got her flowers. Took her out on a date. Made plans.  I even asked her to be my girlfriend. I was literally doing what she asked.” 

I was curled up in my bed in sweats, air pods in, nodding while he vented. According to him, he’d whisked her away to New York City for a surprise trip. She said yes to being his girlfriend, they were having a great dinner, and then… 

“She just got up and left, dude. Didn’t even finish her food. Didn’t say goodbye. Left all her stuff at the Airbnb. Next morning she calls and ends it. Just like that.” He paused. “Am I crazy? I don’t get what happened. I was trying to be a good guy. I was trying to be what she said she wanted.” 

I didn’t know what to say. It did sound like a sudden, weird exit. It did sound confusing. I told him I was sorry, that it sucked, and that maybe she got cold feet. We hung up. I sat there for a long time, turning it over in my mind. Because what else could I say? Daisy had just come out of a toxic relationship, and obviously, she would freak out if some guy who she just started dating, moved too fast.  

Then Saturday night, my phone buzzed again. 

Daisy’s story (Saturday night, 11:05p.m) 

“I liked him. Like, I really liked him,” she said. Her voice was tired, like she hadn’t slept. “But the whole thing felt… wrong. Off. And honestly, kind of scary.” 

She started from the beginning. She had told Justin her past relationships had failed because guys avoided labels or commitment — it’s true. I’d heard her say that before. But apparently Justin took that as a sign to go full-speed ahead. 

“He didn’t ask if I wanted to take a trip. He told me he’d already booked something. It felt like I was being swept into something without any say.” 

She said she felt weird about not knowing the location, how they were getting there, or even what the sleeping situation was. And then she found out: one bed. In a strange city. No real plan, no backup option, and no one else she knew nearby. She was totally dependent on him — his car, his Airbnb, his itinerary. 

“I just kept thinking: What if I say no to something he’s expecting and he takes it the wrong way?” 

By the time he asked her to be his girlfriend, Daisy said she was already in full-blown panic mode. 

“I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I told him I didn’t feel well. I called my dad from the restaurant bathroom and asked him to help me get home. Then I left.” 

So, here I am. One person. Two friends. Two different versions of the same night. Justin said he was being romantic. Daisy said she felt cornered. And the thing is, both of them believe what they said. Neither one is trying to lie or manipulate.  

But here’s what I think, and I haven’t said this out loud yet: Daisy’s version scared me more.  

Because I can picture myself in her shoes. Feeling like you have to go along with something just so you don’t make a scene. Rationalizing red flags because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Smiling through discomfort because it’s easier than explaining why you’re uncomfortable. 

And I can also picture Justin, too. Confused. Hurt. Thinking he was doing the right thing, following what he thought she wanted, but missing the point completely. 

There’s this thing no one tells you about being in the middle of a breakup between friends: You don’t just hear the stories — you absorb the weight. You try to stay neutral. You try to believe both. But eventually, you start to see the gaps between their truths. And sometimes, the person you thought you knew best… isn’t the one who was right. 

Justin isn’t evil. He’s not some cartoon villain. But he didn’t listen. Not really. He turned Daisy’s vulnerability into a checklist of ways to “win” her over, instead of slowing down and asking what she actually needed. 

And Daisy — she didn’t ghost him. She removed herself from a situation that felt unsafe, even if it made her look bad. 

I didn’t tell either of them everything the other said. That’s not my role. But I did tell Justin one thing before we hung up later that week. 

“Sometimes, being the good guy means knowing when you’re not the main character. And when she says slow down — maybe don’t plan the whole future without checking if she wants the same thing.” 

He didn’t say much back. Just a quiet, “Yeah. I guess.” 

And I texted Daisy a heart emoji. Nothing more. Just a small sign that I believed her. That I was still in her corner. 

Because if there’s one thing this whole mess taught me, it’s that sometimes both people can be hurting — but only one of them had to flee to feel safe. 

Comment Question

Have you ever been caught in the middle of a breakup between two friends? What did you learn from hearing both sides?